O’actually’s Blog
Shedding light on taboo – porn, fantasy, solo-sex.
“If you leave here remembering one thing,” I am known to say when speaking, “please understand the imperfect overlap between our fantasies and our actual real life desires.” So many of us walk around with fantasy anxiety. We worry that our own fantasies make us weird or even unloveable. We worry that the fantasies of our partners […]
This week Self Magazine featured O’actually in a great article called: This is Why You Should Pay for Porn. I don’t tend to love sentences that use the word should, but this I can absolutely get behind. If only I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard, “Who pays for porn these days? Kit, […]
I can usually talk about the importance of "women's sexual pleasure" and get nods and high-fives all day long. But as soon as I encourage folks to prioritize their orgasms, BAM - major resistance. People become all to quick to say, "You know... it's not *all about* orgasm!" Never mind that I would never say sex or sexuality is *all about* any one thing....
AHHH!!!! You can't imagine the excitement that bubbled up at O'a HQ when our very own Molly Rider announced that she had surprised herself by penning her first piece of erotic literature. That excitement only grew when we got our hands on the story and devoured the tantalizing piece!!
It’s time to answer, What DO WE WANT FOR OUR OPTIMAL SEXUAL HEALTH? Do we want pleasure, intimacy with ourselves and others, delight, orgasms, safety, wonder? I hope you agree with me that we do. Listen in for why a north star of pleasure is needed for the healing we crave.
I need to out myself. Sometimes in standing for women’s sexual pleasure, I forget or purposefully shut down my range. Rather than feeling and honoring my frustration, anger, and pain, I judge it. I tell myself I "shouldn't" feel this "negative" emotion because I am about pleasure.