Googling “How to sext” directs you to more articles than if you Googled “Things to do in California.” Seriously, every major – and minor – culture publication has a cheeky guide giving you the do’s and don’ts of putting your texting habit to use…in order to please your partner.
And while we at O’a fully support a mutually beneficial sextship, we want to take a Jiminy Cricket role for a moment and say, “Don’t forget about your pleasure!”
Okay, now that we’ve got that reminder out there, let’s talk sexting best practices, helpful tips, just what the heck all those emojis mean, and more.
Make sure you have consent from your sexting buddy.
While, not all sexting relationships carry over into fooling around live and in person, both parties still need to give an emphatic “Yes!” to some virtual hanky-panky.
Eliciting a “Yes!” over text is a little more convoluted than when in person. Removing tone of voice and adding a little fear of the person on the receiving end might show their friends and laugh can make you want to skip asking – or sexting – all together.
Our advice? Ask anyway. Contextualize it – don’t just write, “Yo, wanna sext?” without a precursor. Ask how his day is going. Relate how his day is going to you helping him relax or make it better (with a winky face if the day is already going great). Then suggest a little virtual foreplay, saying straight out, “If you’re into it, I am.”
Grammar is sexy.
All those meme’s you’ve seen on Facebook aren’t lying – from AskMen to Vice, the advice is ubiquitous: how you spell in sexting matters.
Dirty talk is a-okay…so long as you stick to basic rules of spelling and remain coherent.
Which means that you must double check before clicking “send” – there’s nothing like an autocorrect moment to turn an exciting “I want you to rub my clitoris!” to “I want to rub my clothes!” – excitement lost!
The secret to great sext-worthy photos.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, you want to make sure all those words are capturing what you’re actually trying to say.
Sending photos while sexting is a personal choice. We aren’t going to go too deep into the debate because it’s all very individual and situation specific.
Check in with yourself to make sure you don’t feel pressured into it either; photos aren’t for everyone and this is about mutual excitement. So, if it doesn’t turn you on or makes you too anxious, use your words and try a detailed description of certain body parts. You might be surprised by just how powerful those words can be.
If you do say yes, make sure that you enter the field thoughtfully, cautiously and with deep trust in your partner. We highly recommend avoiding the face. It can help ease you into the experience and make you feel more confident about the anonymity of the sexy body pics.
A final note, if you do vote “yay” for sexy pics, remember the golden nude-photo rule: context is key. Showing just a picture of your nipple is less exciting for your partner (and for you!) as angling your camera up to capture the curve of your breast, your nipple, and hopefully your lips angling into a smile.
Psst. If you voted “nay” to taking some clothes off, we love the tips in this article from Wired. Learn to photograph “safe” body parts, like knees and fingers, in a sensual, teasing way.
What you must know about emoji: Eggplant = penis.
We are an image-driven culture; not just in how we look (we’ve been trying to reverse that one for awhile) but now in how we communicate, too. Of course, emoji are also all over sexting, but since Apple and Android are family friendly devices, adults have taken cartoon peaches and Ok-signs into an entirely different context.
As for if you should use emoji in your sexting? Plenty of people are doing it, so we say, if you think it’s cute and fun and turns you on, go forth and put that smiling whale in.
If you’re not quite sure about the whole eggplant/penis translation, we highly recommend Flirtmoji, which integrates into your phone and allows you send almost X-rated emoji to your virtual “lovah.”
Little white lies are okay.
We seriously love what Vice’s Sexting for Dummies had to say about this:
It hurts no one to make things up during a sexting sesh, and chances are they’re returning the favor anyway. Technology allows you to turn “Just woke up in the bus depot :-(” to “Ooh I just got out of a hot bath…” in seconds. Abuse this power.
Plus, almost assuredly, they’re doing the same fudging. If it’s more fun, then what’s the harm?
Team O’a members have indulged in the occasional sexting from the office to spice up a long day at work, and the barely there lingerie being described allowed for a shared mental picture (even if reality was a maxi skirt and muscle tank).
Finally and most importantly, write what turns YOU on.
One of the most important things you can do during sexting (and sex!) is engage in what makes you want to curl into a tiny ball of joy and then explode into a thousand fireworks.
Let sexting be flirty way to express yourself and your sexuality.
When you’re truly enjoying what you’re writing, it is conveyed to your partner, and they’ll respond with the same true pleasure.
Before initiating, take a moment to think about where your dirty thoughts might take you today. If you are invited to partake, don’t rush into the conversation, give your mind the chance to roam. Of course, the beauty of sexting is the instant communication, so by all means balance your caution with spontaneity and instinct (this gets easier with practice and a regular sexting buddy)! The most important thing of all is to have fun with it and see just how hot you can make that moment!
We want to hear from you!
- Do you sext?
- Let us know if you’re into it or not!
- Have any tips or insights to share?
- We would love to hear them, there’s always room to improve our sexting game!
Want Some Further Inspiration?
Check out a sext convo that one of our seriously saucy Pleasure Pledgers sent into us last month, our first installment of Adventures in Real Sexts.
We were impressed by the combo of openness, playfulness, and HOTNESS (and her clever use of pictures only when and of what was comfortable for her!).
They follow most of the rules; and when grammar and autocorrect get in the way they acknowledge the silliness and move right back into the good stuff.
Hope you enjoy!
Don’t hesitate to send us one of yours, we will always respect your anonymity and privacy… but come on, you know some stuff is too good not to share!