Alone, you can let your mind wander anywhere, to any saucy scenario you choose. But have you ever had a fantasy that you would be ashamed to say out loud, even to your most non-judgmental friend?
Adultery is wrong, rape is despicable, and sexual slavery is beyond utterly loathsome – these are all issues that plague our society. Thus, it’s common to feel that sexual coercion, kidnappings, and images of events that tap into a woman’s worst nightmare shouldn’t be hot. Yet such situations pop up in adult content geared toward women regularly – and studies show many women experience sexual arousal when reading, hearing, or seeing those scenes in a fantasy world. Thoughts about bondage, submission, three-ways, and even rape creep up into sexually arousing fantasies, and we can’t help wonder why!
In a blatant oversimplification (women are intricate beings after all), it can be incredibly arousing, particularly for women, to feel utterly irresistible to someone else. Even back in the 18th Century, Madame de “Staël (1766-1817) put it quite succinctly, albeit reflecting the hetero-normative culture of the era – “The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
Fantasizing allows women to play out the idea of being a victim of uncontrollable sexual desire, while remaining in control – even though we may daydream about being powerless and how that would feel, we’re not. Women typically fantasize about good-looking men, often in a position of social power or prestige, an embodiment of a person we’d want to have sex with, as opposed to actual deviants. And often in fantasies and erotica, women actually conquer the original offender, whose original overpowering sexual obsession with the “victim” transforms into a titillating combination of love, lust and respect.
A woman being turned on by fictional settings does not mean she finds them to be arousing in her mental consciousness. Physical arousal and mental arousal are separate feelings. That’s just biology.
So we have a suggestion for women who are nodding along to this post, thinking, “That’s me!” It’s this:
Stop shaming yourself.
Stop judging yourself. Stop feeling guilty when you have alone time. And stop letting society dictate what can and can’t get you off. Your conscience should be clear – you are not condoning the practices anymore than viewers of horror movies are rooting on brutal murders in reality.
Enjoy the good feelings without thinking something must be wrong with you. These are fictional fantasies, not an invitation or desire to bring those scenarios to reality for you, or anyone else (unless you want to act them out with a 100% consensual lover – but that’s another post).
Prioritizing your Pleasure,