Is confusion or fear around BDSM
preventing you from great sex?
If our own Molly Rider’s foray in BDSM, the whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon, and a culture that is starting to embrace kink has YOU curious about experimenting with it during sex, then you’ve come to the right place!
We understand, wanting to experiment and knowing where to start are two very different things. Girlfriend, you are not alone. BDSM can feel like it requires a textbook, or a least a teacher to induct you into the a new kind of sexual zone.
Enter Jessica Drake, a writer, director, performer, and sexual wellness expert. Her series, Guide to Wicked Sex, provides real-life demonstrations of some of the sexiest and intimate acts imaginable – and all with women’s pleasure in mind.
So when we saw Jessica’s article on Refinery 29, The 5 Things Every BDSM Beginner Should Know, we had to share it with you.
One tip we absolutely love:
Do Your Research
Please do not assume that what you see on-screen will directly translate to your own play. Watch an instructional (like my Guide to Wicked Sex: BDSM for Beginners) or read up on BDSM. I personally love SM 101 by Jay Wiseman; it was my BDSM bible when I was new to the scene. You’ll need to know safety rules, how to tie someone up without causing harm, how to flog/whip/spank without leaving unwanted marks, and much more. Everyone’s kink will be different, so familiarize yourself with the acts you most want to partake in.
Studying isn’t just for students. It’s so important to know what you’re getting into, and what you’re truly interested in exploring. The more familiarity you have with the BDSM scene, the more comfortably you’ll enter it. You’ll be better prepared with questions, you’ll get a sense fo what’s acceptable, and you’ll be able to speak up for yourself. We also recommend talking about it with some trusted girlfriends. You may be surprised who has experimented or pushed some boundaries in the past and getting feedback from firsthand experiences from a trusted friend can be invaluable. But remember that your sexuality is fiercely unique and so what may or may not work for others may or may not rock your own boat. Sometimes it’s just fun to try something new…
Read the whole piece, even if your interest in BDSM in just a glimmer of a thought and not a fully fleshed out fantasy – it might help you decide of trying BDSM is right for you.
Do you have a favorite BDSM moment or still have and burning question? Leave us a comment and we’ll be back to you!