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Female Ejaculation with the Experts

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Hi love,

This is quite the juicy blogpost!

I love hearing the questions that come in through the O’actually community. I am always listening and trying to figure out how best to address your questions and concerns!

Recently, I’ve picked up on quite a bit of confusion, judgment, and shame around the often controversial subject of female ejaculation.

Women feeling shame for ejaculating (Am I peeing?!). Women feeling shame for not ejaculating (Is something wrong with me?). Women feeling shame for not doing it “right” (Comparison with porn shame.)

It was clearly time to shed light on this topic and release the shame and taboo for us all!

Female Ejaculation

In this episode of the podcast, I’ve gathered together a panel of wise, wonderful, and pleasure centered women who have just the information about female ejaculation that you are looking for!

We cover the following and so much more!

  • The Female Prostate – yes it exists! You can see and feel it yourself!
  • Female Ejaculate – no, it is not pee
  • The Health Benefits and Healing Powers of Female Ejaculation
  • How You Can Deepen into Your Pleasure, if You Choose, by an Exploration of Female Ejaculation

Our informed, open, honest, and truthful conversation was made possible by the presence of these three extraordinary women:

Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM is Relationship Coach, Sexologist, Sex Educator and Anger Management Specialist, who helps couples to connect with compassion and create vibrant, heart-centered, long-term relationships. Her Five Steps to Exquisite Partnership™ is a unique approach to relationship difficulties that transforms conflict into deep intimacy. Check out her amazing site with loads of free podcasts and videos: www.TheShameFreeZone.com

Jules Cazedessus is a creative activist living in Boulder, Colorado. She is the CEO and founder of Venus Matters – creators of the Venus Mat, an altar cloth for the body temple. (Make sure to listen to the very end of the episode to learn more about the beautiful and wonderful Venus Mat. We all agree is a great and important advancement for releasing taboo around women’s bodies, fluids, and pleasure.)

Hayley Porter. 4 years ago Hayley began studying female ejaculation and the female prostate gland with the world renowned pioneer, Deborah Sundhal. It is her passion. She educates women (and men) on the ancient history of female ejaculation, the anatomy and the deep emotional and spiritual connection to this part of the body. Learn more about the great work she does over at Understand Thyself.
Do listen in, there is so much for us all to learn and to gain from this discussion!

 

What’s your experience with female ejaculation? Hungry for more information? Have follow-up questions? Head over to the private Facebook Group. Each of these amazing women are in it and ready and willing to share their wisdom with you!

Orgasmically yours,

Kitter xx

Some important links from the episode:

To get your very own beautiful Venus Mat head over to: http://www.venusmatters.com/

Deborah Sundhal is a leading expert in Female Ejaculation. Her book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot:Not Your Mother’s Orgasm Book! is available on Amazon here.

 

 

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The Godmother of Masturbation

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I have treat for you!

This week I had the great opportunity to a record a conversation with Betty Dodson!

Betty Dodson

If you don’t know Betty, she’s a force! Since the early 1970’s, she’s been a champion for women embracing and owning their sexual pleasure. As she approaches her 90s, Betty and her business partner Carlin Ross are as busy as ever. Their site dodsonandross.com has over 1 MILLION unique views a month and they are still releasing cutting edge content.

I first connected with Betty nearly 15 years ago. I called her to ask her to come to my college campus and speak about pleasure. I’ll never forget the first time I heard her straight talking, cursing like a sailor, signature speak. I was simulatenesouly shocked and delighted.

Scheduling conflicts meant that I wasn’t able to meet Betty in person until many years later. However, after our first conversation, she sent me a box of DVDs (yes, it was 2002 after all). They literally found their way to every dorm on campus;)

Today, Betty continues to shock and delight. I find that combo so inspiring. She’s unappolegetically who she is – controversial, wise, hilarious and on a mission.

For a raucous time, tune in here!

Cheers to you and your authentic and unapologetic self!

Kitter xx

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Why Masturbation is a Necessary Part of Human Development

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A Doctor’s Perspective

 

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Dr. Derek Polonsky,

Harvard Psychiatrist

And Author Of The Book, “Talk About Sex”

 

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Today we’re diving into the Oft-Taboo Topics of:

  • Masturbation (for women/men/girls/boys)

  • Sexless Marriages

  • Teaching Teens About Sexual Pleasure (Not Just Sexual Function)

Psychiatrist, Dr. Derek Polonsky, has been in practice for 40 years, treating individuals and couples from adolescence through late adulthood.

In the 70’s he became interested in the emerging field of human sexuality and is an expert in the evaluation and treatment of individuals who have sexual difficulties.  

He is a graduate of Harvard Medical School, was trained in psychiatry at the Beth Israel Hospital in Boston and is a member of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.

His book, ‘Talk about Sex”, published in 1995 was based on a column he wrote for several years for FIRST for Women magazine.  Talking About Sex

His therapeutic style is interactive and integrative; making specific suggestions for individuals or couples with a focus on the ‘baggage’ each might bring from early life experiences into current relationships.

Dr. Polonsky and I specifically discuss:

  • The Reality Around Doctor Training and how Sexuality is Still a Missing Component

  • How Common Unconsummated Marriages Are

  • The Problem with the Fact that the Word “Pleasure” is not Part of High School Sexual Education?

  • Why Current Mainstream “Movie Sex” is doing Society a Disservice

  • The Myth of the 4 Hour Viagra Erection!

  • Why Masturbation is Actually Necessary For Teenage Development

  • The Difference in Masturbation Patterns between Men and Women

  • The History of Vibrators – 26 mins in

  • Advice To Current Parents On How To Have a REAL Sex and Sexual Pleasure Conversation with your Child

  • And, Much, Much More…

After listening, share what came up with you below or on Facebook. What was your biggest a-ha?

After tuning in, I’d love your support!

Take a quick moment and WRITE A REVIEW on iTunes. Here’s a simple “how-to” for uploading reviews on iTunes.

Do you have a friend who might also enjoy the episodes? Shoot them a text and have them listen in. Think of the juicy discussion you two can have next time you share some wine!

Want to hear me interview someone in particular? Send me a note at kit@oactually.com or message me on  Facebook.  I’ll do my darnedest to line it up!

 

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You’re Not Broken – Secrets of the Women’s Orgasm

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People in the world think the vulva is too explicit to be discussed. And while we can’t wait for the day that is no longer the case, that is the current status quo. So we were not surprised when reading an article on Salon to discover that a documentary about female sexuality, Science, Sex and the Ladies, had been passed over by several film festivals for being too “explicit.”

But that doesn’t mean we weren’t frustrated.

There’s so much mystery surrounding the vulva: all its different shapes and sizes, and how all the pieces work not just separately but together for a woman’s pleasure. We seem to live in a society that is okay with everyone, men and women, not being educated on the topic (remember that high school science teacher who tried to fail a girl for giving a presentation on the vulva?) which is bizarre. If we all learned about male and female orgasms – what they were like, how best to go about getting them, and the anatomy behind them – we’d cut out unrealistic expectations of sex and have so much more fun in life!

Team O’a was excited about the idea of a documentary aimed at helping people out in this regard, and disappointed to learn it wasn’t getting the exposure it could simply because of how our society still views women and sex.

In The simple “secret” to making a woman orgasm that no one understands, writer Jill Hamilton put it this way:

“It’s ridiculous that in 2015, it’s still ‘controversial’ to show a picture of a vulva, especially one all scientifically labeled. People need to know how women’s bodies work—this is important, big stuff! Every woman needs to know that she is perfectly normal and not somehow broken sexually. Plus it relieves men of pounding away longer than they’d like to to “please” their partners in a way that, really, they can’t be pleased. It eliminates the need for women to fake their orgasms to soothe partners’ egos. And it gives women the freedom to work with the way their bodies actually work—to come as they are, so to speak–so they can start enjoying easy orgasms with a partner.”

And isn’t that the heart of this issue? When we don’t talk about female sexuality, women believe they are broken for how their bodies naturally work.

Every woman needs to know that she is perfectly normal and not somehow broken sexually.

Amen, Jill. Actually, Awomen.

Okay, O’a community, with this topic on our minds, and Miley Cyrus is getting a lot of commentary for sharing masturbation and sexting photos as part of a series on selfies, we’re curious: how should we share information about sexuality in society? How and when do you introduce sexual anatomy? Where do you draw the line?

A Party of One is Still a Party

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Woman armed with vibratorIt probably goes without saying, but we never skip a chance to say it: we love masturbation! We love being champions of you carving out the time to sit down alone (ahem – Pleasure Pledge – ahem), we love sharing information on how to bring on even more intense orgasms, and we love hearing from you about your latest solo sexcapade because we believe we all can, and should, learn from one another.

Which is why coming across Alana Vagianos’ piece in the Huffington Post, 13 Reasons Why Every Woman Should Masturbate, we couldn’t wait to share it with you. One of our favorite reasons she lists?

You become more comfortable with your body.
Your body should be your best friend — it’s one of the only things that will be with you your entire life. And part of becoming besties with your body includes exploring it. “It is extremely important that women have an appreciation of their own anatomy and how to self-pleasure,” Dr. Lauren Streicher said. Time to hit the books, ladies.

So much yes!!

Pleasure and self love work in tandem. Each is enhanced when the other is practiced. If you give yourself pleasure, it helps you love and appreciate yourself. And if you love yourself, it’s easier to give yourself pleasure without apology.

Are you feeling ready to put yourself first? Join the O’a community for the last few days of June for our summer Pleasure Pledge, it’s never too late for pleasure.

Broad City Takes on Mainstream Porn

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Broad City computer

During our weekly Broad City watch party, Ilana Glazer made our night with her apt articulation of not just how, but why mainstream porn just doesn’t resonate with most women.

With Abbi Jacobson nodding along during a boisterous coffee-shop conversation, Ilana explains:

I don’t watch anything but solo porn because regular porn is like…
“Shut up little girl, wash my feet!”
And she’s like “Uh, don’t tell my dad, okay? Cuz I’m just baaarely legal.
I love shaved pubes and tan crispy bellies and taints…
It’s like — UGHHH.”

Ilana ends her hilarious (and frankly, accurate) reenactment with a groan shared by women around the world.

Can we just say her details of exactly what doesn’t appeal to her in mainstream adult content is downright epic?

Abbi’s response is a perfect, simple summary of the reason many ladies have all but given up on the idea that erotic media might appeal to them:

“I usually just Google “porn.” That’s probably why I really, really don’t like most of it.“

Yup. Been there. I mean – why do you think we started O’actually?!

This coffee shop exchange is perfect for reasons beyond hilarious accuracy. We love just how open Ilana and Abbi are with the fact that they both want and seek out adult entertainment for themselves – and that there sure isn’t enough of it at their fingertips.

They’re upfront about putting their pleasure first – which avid O’a followers know is well, what we’re all about.

In fact, the entire Kirk Steele episode has a no shame, no apologies slant about sexual desires of all kinds (even yes, a trope on what men think women find erotic) that is purely awesome. If you don’t have time for the full episode, check out this clip of how Ilana gets in the mood – we all have our rituals, don’t we?

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Ilana and Abbi have secured a place in our hearts as modern day female heroes. What we wouldn’t do for the opportunity of a night of drinks with those two ladies…

In the spirit of Broad City, tell us – do you have a special ritual to get yourself “in the mood”?

What sort of adult content do you wish you could find out there? (Also, a reminder to all of you artists out there: want to make Ilana and Abbi proud, offer a solution to “Where’s the HOT goodies for the ladies?!,” and create impactful change for women and the world? YES?!! Then, check out the O’actually Festival – we’re currently accepting submissions of film, visual art, and literature that celebrate turning on women (and there’s great opportunities to win CASH prizes too!)

Cheers to switching things up!

Love and thanks,

Team O’a