I need to out myself. Sometimes in standing for women’s sexual pleasure, I forget or purposefully shut down my range. Rather than feeling and honoring my frustration, anger, and pain, I judge it. I tell myself I “shouldn’t” feel this “negative” emotion because I am about pleasure.
I did this as recently as yesterday… I was hell bent on ignoring my actual feelings because I didn’t like what they were. You see, I was in a place of simultaneously being inspired, grateful, and elated by the beauty unfolding through this burgeoning community and pissed as fuck at the world.
It was the being pissed as fuck bit that I was ironically pissed as fuck at being. I stomped around all day thinking, “Whaa! I don’t want to be this angry! I just want to talk about pleasure and orgasms and la la la la la!”
The truth is that the awe-inspiring conversations I’ve had with clients and the O’actually community have left me in deep gratitude for the present shift towards a genuine pleasure revolution. And yet, these discussions highlight how messed up things are and have been for so long.
How is it that at 37 years old I am still re-educating myself from all the crap and un-truths I was fed for my first three decades on this planet? How in 2018 is women’s anatomy still so “unclear” to scientists and text books? Why don’t we have actual and accurate English language words for female sexual organs? Why is my anger and the anger of other women mocked, silenced and deemed inappropriate? Why are our bodies legislated against rather than protected through choice? *
(*Each link goes to a correlating kickass podcast episode.)
These are valid and important questions. I no longer view asking them as in opposition to promoting and focusing on pleasure. In fact, to truly honor pleasure it mustn’t be siloed.
Pleasure must be integrated.
This is what I have come to understand as The Pleasure Paradox:
You only feel one thing as deeply as you allow yourself to feel everything. Feeling the anger, the hurt, and the pain is paradoxically required for expanding your pleasure. Genuinely standing for pleasure requires commitment to your full emotional range.
You. Are. Rad.
Your “YES” to being a part of the O’actually community is a beautiful and radical act. The truth is that my wish for this world is that someday we won’t need to stand for women’s sexual pleasure. Our societies and cultures will come to honor women’s bodies and sexual fulfillment in such an intrinsic manner that discussions like these will feel dated and unnecessary.
However, until then, I thank you from every bit of my being for your radical presence in commitment to channeling anger, frustration, and hurt into a genuine celebration of women, our orgasms, and our pleasure as a birthright.
Yours, always, in my full range,